Struggling to squeeze more than a “Fine” out of your teen at the dinner table? According to neuroscientist and psychologist Professor Sam Wass, you may be asking the wrong questions, with the classic “How was your day?” topping the list of worst conversation starters.
With kids returning to school this week, a new report reveals that two-thirds (66 percent) of parents complain that their children are uncommunicative at the dinner table, with teens emerging as the least engaged.
Over a quarter (28 percent) feel stressed about trying to talk to their children at mealtimes, while 86 percent would love to inject more energy, fun and engagement into their family dinners.
Yet developmental cognitive neuroscientist and psychologist Professor Sam Wass, who was involved in the study, believes we may be asking our children all the wrong questions.
The research* by HelloFresh found that as many as nine in ten (88 percent) parents get frustrated with one-word answers from their children, with ‘OK’ (43 percent), ‘It was alright’ (43 percent), and ‘fine’ (40 percent) among the standard responses when asked the dreaded question, ‘How was your day?’
In fact, 68 percent say the classic “How was your day?” question usually falls completely flat.
Four in ten (37 percent) struggle to get their child to engage because they are glued to their phone, while a third (34 percent) put the lack of communication down to the fact that their kids are tired.
But Professor Wass suggests posing less generic, more direct questions, which build on things your child is excited about already, such as “What did your friends think of your new shoes/haircut/school bag?”
Positioning other people as the focus of the conversation can also make teens feel more relaxed, with questions such as, “How was your best friend today, and what happened to them at school?”.
Dr Wass suggests more specific questions such as, “What was the single most interesting thing you learned?” or “What was the best thing that happened?”
In fact, almost half of the parents agree (48 percent) that asking a specific question helps them extract more information about their kids’ school day.
Professor Wass adds, “When everyone is tired at the end of their day, it’s all too easy to fall into a one-way flow of questions from the adults, which are met with one-word answers from the kids. Dinner time conversation can be challenging – but one that it helps to remember is that it’s not always about which questions you ask, but how you ask them. Consider asking questions after you’ve been playing games together during meal prep or at the dinner table. Starting with an external stimulus that gets the conversation flowing will make your children much more talkative afterwards.”
A third of parents (31 percent) use information gleaned from other mums and dads to spark a conversation, while one in four (26 percent) find that distracting their children by making dinner together and then approaching the subject encourages them to open up.
Almost seven in ten (67 percent) of the 2,000 parents who took part in the study said that sitting down with everyone is important to them and that it is the best chance to catch up and talk as a family (73 percent).
And it’s not just awkward silences that make family dinners difficult. Everyone wants to eat something different (39 percent), but having no idea what to cook (35 percent) or buy (27 percent), not having the time to cook new recipes (27 percent), or not having to pre-plan meals (26 percent) also makes them tricky.
The stress is so high that two-thirds (67 percent) of mums and dads turn the TV on as a distraction, and British families have an average of three TV dinners a week.
Psychologist Professor Wass added, “The start of a new school year can be a tough transition period for parents. You’re used to knowing everything that goes on with your kids, and then it’s a struggle to get more than a couple of words out of them!
“Family mealtimes have been a powerful way to foster connection for centuries, and It’s a good way to engage with your kids. That’s why I partnered with HelloFresh to develop these top tips for parents and the Table Talks games. You’ll be amazed how playing them together can help to encourage children to open up about their day – so that you can provide the support for your kids that you want to.”
Mimi Morley from HelloFresh said, “We know parents are juggling a lot, especially during the Back-to-School period. Family mealtimes are an important moment for connection, but that can be even more challenging at this busy period. That’s why we’re launching our Table Talks activities with Professor Sam Wass, designed to give families more opportunities for meaningful connections over mealtimes, while our Back-to-School recipe range takes the ‘mental load’ out of meal planning and prep for parents.”
The study also found that half (51 percent) of parents secretly dread getting back to the weekly routine of cooking dinner every night now that the kids are back at school.
Eight in ten (79 percent) say rely on a handful of ‘go to’ recipes, week in and week out with spag bol (51 percent) the top dinner.
*HelloFresh commissioned Perspectus Global to conduct this research of 2,000 parents of children aged between 13 and 18 in August 2024.
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