Kindness in general and random acts of kindness are a core component of the social fabric, and without them, society as we know it would undoubtedly collapse. In this feature, I explore whether there is less kindness in the world today, the factors encouraging and discouraging it, and why it is much more than just a one-way street.
Kindness is a fascinating trait, and I like to think it comes naturally to me and my wife. I was born in the ’60s, and my wife in the ’70s, and although many will likely disagree, we both feel that kindness has been on the wane in recent times. To uncover whether it is truly on the fast track to becoming extinct, I decided to don my research hat to establish the answer.
What is Kindness?
Kindness covers a broad spectrum and contains a whole raft of traits. It includes empathy, which many consider the ‘big part’, compassion, generosity, optimism, patience, humility, and probably much more. Although empathy is often considered the primary component of kindness, I believe that Emotional Intelligence is equally essential.
Emotional Intelligence is a relatively recent addition to the kindness recipe. It was only defined in the 1990s, thanks to the stellar work of Peter Salovey and John Mayer. Essentially, it’s the ability to read people’s emotions, which makes it simple to form the appropriate reaction and course of action. It creates a foundation from which kindness flows and is also hugely beneficial in building better relationships.
It is important to note that all of the above-mentioned traits don’t live in a vacuum- they bounce off each other. A good way to describe this is someone empathetic but also impatient might come off as harsh, while a generous optimist with no humility could come across as just a praise-seeker. It really is a mixture of all of the above that makes up kindness.
Now that we’ve established the ingredients, we should return to the matter at hand: Is there less kindness in the world today?
Diving Head-first into the Data
Trying to establish an answer was like opening a Pandora’s Box, filled with contrary opinions and studies interspersed with research that made little or no sense.
As you can imagine, measuring kindness in the world is far from straightforward. It’s not as simple as measuring the temperature; it’s more similar to determining how much gold is waiting to be discovered.
Trawling the world’s streets to gather first-hand opinions would be fruitless and time-consuming, so the next most obvious option was to read what I could find and watch social commentary.
If you scroll through social media or watch the news, people seem much more divided, aggressive, uncaring, and fed up with the world. This can be seen pretty much everywhere: there are polarised debates, constant backstabbing, and a proliferation of uncaring, harsh, and rude comments by trolls. It can even be seen each day in public in the way people talk or interact with each other.
This is not just my opinion. Studies, such as the World Happiness Report, suggest that people today feel much less connected to others. In addition, stress levels are skyrocketing around the world, which is hardly a conducive platform for spreading kindness to others.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this feature, kindness seems to come naturally to my wife and me.
Before writing this feature, I wondered whether it was easier for us to be because we might have been born with it. From recent psychological and medical insights, my assumption seems partly correct.
It’s a bit of both nature and nurture, with some people naturally leaning toward kindness. Studies have reinforced this, suggesting a genetic component tied to personality traits like empathy and agreeableness. Research into behavioural genetics shows that gene variations like the oxytocin receptor gene could predispose some people to prosocial actions.
However, genetics don’t tell the whole story.
Other factors suggest that one’s upbringing and social influences also significantly shape how kind someone becomes. So, although some can be more predisposed to being kind due to their genetic makeup, the good news is it’s also something anyone can cultivate with practice and effort.
Can Everyone Be Kind?
Although most consider being kind a straightforward personal choice, some medical and psychological conditions make it difficult, either by dampening the capacity to show empathy or ramping up behaviours that push others away.
Some of the most apparent factors preventing people from showing kindness, which makes perfect sense given the times we live in, are conditions such as narcissistic personality disorder, which will be the subject of a separate dedicated feature and antisocial personality disorder.
Those with a narcissistic personality disorder seem to struggle with kindness because they are wired to prioritise their own needs, and more often than not, they lack the empathy to care about others’ feelings.
It’s a quite common condition, and again, I don’t believe anyone will be surprised by this, given the world we live in. Studies estimate it affects up to 6% of the global population, and this will no doubt rise given the world’s addiction to social media. The most prominent traits of this condition are grandiosity and entitlement, which makes showing genuine kindness challenging.
Antisocial personality disorder, which used to be called sociopathy, is also common, affecting up to 4% of people. Those with this condition can be indifferent or even hostile to others and are driven by impulsivity or a lack of remorse. A 2022 study in Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment ties this to deficits in emotional processing in the brain’s amygdala and prefrontal cortex.
Another condition that can prevent one from being kind is depression. The research shows that most depressed people don’t intentionally go out of their way not to be kind; it’s that displays can sap energy and distort self-worth.
A 2023 meta-analysis in The Lancet Psychiatry showed that severe depression reduces prosocial behaviour, partly because of emotional exhaustion. Similarly, anxiety disorders can hinder kindness; if someone’s constantly on edge or socially anxious, they might avoid interactions where kindness could shine out of fear rather than unwillingness.
Neurological conditions like frontotemporal dementia (FTD) can also make being kind difficult. People with this can come across as apathetic or rude. It’s not because they choose to; it’s because the disease rewires their social instincts.
Traumatic brain injury could also do something similar. Depending on where the injury is located, it could impair emotional regulation or impulse control, which would make kindness harder to express.
Then there are those on the Autism spectrum who might not pick up on social cues that prompt kindness or struggle to express it in ways others recognise. Research from the Autism Journal in 2023 suggests that a lack of kindness/empathy/care has less to do with choice and more to do with communication difficulties.
Finally, there is the obvious: people might not feel like being kind.
For example, someone who is experiencing chronic pain will find it understandably difficult to muster the enthusiasm or even the energy to be kind. A 2024 study in Pain Medicine found that chronic pain patients often withdraw socially, not out of malice, but because they’re preoccupied with survival.
The Benefits of Being Kind to Others
Although showing kindness to others might initially seem like a one-way street, it isn’t; it brings benefits to both the giver and the receiver. For starters, it can brighten someone’s day—think about that elderly woman smiling because a kid handed her a flower.
That small act can lift her mood, make her feel seen, and maybe even bring back a beautiful memory from her past. Acts of kindness also create a ripple effect, prompting people to pass on the good feeling to someone else.
For you, being kind makes you feel good, and there is science out there to back this up. Firstly, it boosts your own happiness by triggering a release of chemicals like oxytocin and serotonin in your brain, which are basically nature’s way of giving you a pat on the back.
Focusing on someone else’s well-being can also lower stress since it takes you out of your own head. Plus, it builds connections—people tend to remember and appreciate kindness, which can strengthen relationships or even make your community a nicer place.
On a bigger scale, kindness can inspire others to act the same way, creating a sort of quiet momentum. It’s not about grand gestures; even small things like holding open a door or smiling at someone add up. And the best bit is it’s a low-risk, high-reward deal—what’s the downside to making someone’s day a little better?
Has Technology Reduced People’s Capacity to Be Kind?
My research leads me to believe that technology has reduced people’s propensity to be kind. Don’t get me wrong; technology can be a positive tool for kindness, particularly when used to fund someone in need and express empathy, per the Pew Research Centre. However, when all things are considered, I firmly believe it has hindered rather than helped.
I have taken this view because technology puts distance between us. An example of this is texting rather than engaging in an actual conversation. Texting does not provide the opportunity to empathise like a face-to-face chat would.
I will freely admit that I have a love/hate relationship with social media, as I believe that it produces narcissistic tendencies and performative virtue, where people might care more about looking kind than actually being kind.
I have often told my wife that people today seem more inclined to swap kindness for a quick dopamine hit. This can be seen in the many videos where people would rather video or livestream someone in need instead of helping them.
Fortunately, and preventing me from feeling like a grumpy old man, I came across research from the University of Michigan, which tied heavy social media use to lower empathy scores over time.
Is Kindness on the Fast Track to Becoming Extinct?
It all comes down to my opinion without a definitive study to reference.
When I consider that kindness is a product of nature and nurture, I am led to believe that it will always be present in some shape or form in a modern society.
However, what worries me is that many of today’s generation, who will, in turn, become parents, are addicted to their mobile phones and social media, and this has been shown to reduce empathy and increase narcissism, which diminishes the nurturing potential and possibly even the genetic component in their offspring over time.
In addition, although it might seem that there are as many instances of kindness today as in previous decades, I believe that proportionally (per head) acts of kindness are now significantly lower than they were. In 1975, the population of the world was a tad over 4 billion; in 1985, it was 4.85 billion; today, it is more than eight billion, and when you factor in the ability to showcase acts of kindness to much of the world on the internet, it creates a false impression.
Addressing the question posed in the title of this piece, ‘Is kindness on the fast track to becoming extinct?’, I would say NO. However, if the words “on the fast-track to” were removed, I would need to think long about whether my answer would still be the same.